The Courage To Start Over

As spring begins to bud, I can’t help thinking about how so many things are fresh and new. The change of seasons makes room for the opportunity to Start Over. In our professional lives we may be re-evaluating the past quarter of success, departmental budgets or our talent management objectives. Our personal lives are not exempt from this process. Many of us are tweaking our New Year’s resolutions to ensure our goals are met, we are learning how to maximize our time or saying goodbye to the old to make enormous amounts of room for the new.

This new season brings with it the opportunity to Start Over. No matter which area of our lives we decided to take a closer look at, our careers, spiritual commitments or personal goals, many of us are reevaluating our lives for change with the determination to really make “it” happen.

Change usually means committing to a new start. In fact, most new starts require us to develop new methods to make sure we stick to our commitments and goals. Sometimes we brush off the dust of the past, throw our shoulders back and push forward or we make major modifications that support our renewed vigor for success.

Here are the facts: Life can deliver a series of unexpected events, those we like to relish in and some we wish we could forget. Remember this; it is never too late to Start Over. I know it sounds like a cliché but it is the truth.

I recently spoke to couple in their mid-seventies who just found love in each other, after believing that too much time had passed. They had seen love, life and death but, they found a way to Start Over. A friend of mine was recently required to move over 3000 miles away to unfamiliar territory with no family members or friends. He had to find a way to Start Over. Tomas is in the middle of a foreclosure and he and his family are now moving in with relatives. They all are finding a way to Start Over. Sarah began a new career in an area in which she had very limited experience. Her family was struggled financially and she needed to make this new career a success. Her family is counting on her and she is petrified. She found a way to Start Over. Last year, the man I have loved all of my life, my father, passed away. This brought my life to a heart breaking new normal and I had to Start Over.

Unexpected events in life can do one of two things. We can become stuck, gripped by fear and life’s uncertainties or we can eventually take a look at who and what we have left, take a step of faith and Start Over. Most people know they need to start over but what I have found is that many don’t know how. It takes a great deal of courage to start over. Here are some steps to consider as you move through life transitions.

1. Take an honest and open look at the unexpected events of life that have left you asking “What now???” Accept the change you now face, realizing that adjusting and moving forward may take some time. It may not be easy, but you must know, you can do it. Look at what is right with where you are now and what you would like to do differently. Then consider if you have done everything you knew to do at the time, despite the outcome. Commit to doing everything you can to push to the next level. Refuse to get stuck. Commit to taking the learned lessons with you, not just for yourself but also to help someone else. Your life is never only about you and what you have lived through, it is also about others.

2. Take time to listen. I am a firm believer that in your quiet time is when your answers come. The direction you need to take, the next steps to your success, the people that will help you through the next chapter of your life, this is the wisdom you can find by simply being in a quiet place to listen. Often unexpected events can convince you to lie low for far too long. This is when you may find yourself doing things just for the sake of doing them. People tell each other to “do something” just to keep busy but sometimes it is more important to be quiet first, so you don’t waste time and effort doing something that will not help you get to where you want to go. I have learned this from my own personal experiences. “Busy” can be a good thing but ask the question…What am I Busy doing and for what purpose?

I met a woman who was so hurt from her divorce and her husband’s constant refusal to reconcile that she decided to quickly pursue looking for another mate. Well she found him, kind hearted, good looking, successful, and seemingly all the things she wanted and pleaded for out of her pain. She never took the time to relinquish the hurt and rejection nor did she clearly examine what was vital to her wellbeing. As a result, she stayed with this man. It was better than being alone right? She finally had someone, just like all her married friends. Nothing was excruciatingly uncomfortable in her relationship; nothing complicated or alarming was glaring so she stayed with him, knowing all along that something vital was missing. Now, she has to again… Start Over. When you make decisions out of pain, frustration, or fear you typically connect with someone or something not designed for you, rather than what and who is absolutely best for you.

3. Make a checklist of what matters most. This list is not just an inventory of what you desire to accomplish but it should also include the action steps you need to take to achieve the desired result. Your list should include things that take you out of your comfort zone and allow you to grow into someone better than before. Make sure you pace yourself and have realistic expectations and processes. For example, if your desire is to have your own business and become wealthy so you can help others; consider that it may take more than two weeks to arrive at your desired destination. Remember that some things on the checklist may require a series of well executed steps and can take longer to complete. Do not add action items to the list that won’t add any real value to your life. This brings a false sense of accomplishment. When these tasks are completed, you may look back in frustration, discovering your time could have been utilized on what matters most. Take time to think about your life and how you want it to be, and then develop a plan to get there.

4. Expecting of Others – Make sure you have the right people around you when you are going through life’s changes. I recently heard a story about eagles going through the molting process. In this process, eagles, those strong, fearless birds flying high, find themselves in a valley experience. Their claws and beaks calcify making it difficult to hold their head erect, their eyesight is diminished, and they lose many of their feathers. Therefore flying and catching food is a challenge and their appetite is almost nonexistent. While the eagles are going through the molting process, other strong eagles are flying above making screeching noises and dropping down food to the eagles ensnared in the valley experience. As it has been explained to me, the eagle’s screeching noises are chants to encourage the molting eagles. Some say the screeches of support and the dropping of food comes from older eagles who have survived the molting stages. The eagles who survive the molting process are renewed. They grow new feathers as well as refined beaks. After the molting process, these transformed birds are ready to live life on top again.

I don’t claim to be an authority on these majestic birds but this speaks volumes. It is important to know who is with you when you are going through the most challenging of times. I am of the mindset that if a “friend” cannot be with you though the darkest of times, we probably cannot walk together in light. It is important to have people appropriately placed in your life. Don’t expect friendship activity and support from acquaintances. Identify where people are in your life. Don’t confuse friendship with anything other than friendship. You will need to know the difference for your journey of change.

5. Is that all you are??? I heard a great leader ask this question. “Your experience…..is that all you are?” he asked. That one thing you did that changed your life, is that the sum total of who you are? The thing that knocked the wind out of you – is that ALL you are? Your situation is what you have lived through but it is not who you are. Life’s events may help form you but they don’t define you unless you let them. You have the unique power to define yourself in a way that no one else can. You don’t have to be anyone else but who you were created to be. The powerful, purposeful person you are is greater than any challenge you could ever face. The power that dwells on the inside of you can conquer anything that comes your way and this power gives you the courage to Start Over.

Got Character?

Recently I was chatting with a group of business professionals and entrepreneurs. I was listening to one group talk about their business and how their economic strength had been challenged. One of the individuals, Bob, began to reflect on how bad life had been for him. He began to discuss his losses and how his life had been turned upside down. He went on to reveal his strategy to making and keeping money. Let me tell you, his methods were unprincipled at best. Another business owner, Jan chimed in saying she needed to be better about reporting to the IRS.

It was at this time that I began to think about the many fraudulent corporate scandals plaguing our news headlines. We’ve learned so much about many of our corporate leaders who seemed to selfishly endanger the financial well-being of their clients, co-workers, employees, shareholders and everyone else depending on their perceived “brilliant” leadership skills.

As I turned my ear back to the conversations, it was then that Bob said to Jan “never report everything to the IRS. You accept cash payments; just don’t report the cash payments and the IRS will never know. It is your money and who is going to know. Jan there is no way cash payments can be verified? He said listen to me, I have been doing it for years and nothing has happened to me yet.”

At the risk of sounding self-righteous, I began to think… this is how it starts- unethical business practices. Some believe it is okay to do it because they have never been caught. What this man failed to realize is that people were listening and potential customers were taking it all in. I have found that when a person is prepared to make significant compromises in one area of their life, it will usually show up in other areas of life. As a result of Bob deciding to announce his profound, but twisted, wisdom to anyone who could hear, he lost customers and was so distracted that he didn’t even know. His comments also made his customers question what other unethical practices might Bob be involved in. I firmly believe that you will eventually reap what you sow.

Another disappointing factor to me is that this man never made the connection that his decision to constantly “beat the system” may have been the very reason for his lack. Now, I am not necessarily suggesting all his struggles were a direct result of Bob making a conscience decision to do the wrong thing. We all make mistakes, poor decisions, bad judgment calls and so on. The fact is, there are consequences for them all. What I am saying however, is that Bob refused to reconsider this behavior and gave no thought to his words. Bob is very skilled at what he does. Skill may take you higher but it is your character that will keep you there.

I heard a great leader say something I’d like to share with you. I am paraphrasing but you will get the point.

“Change your words, then you change your thinking, change your thinking, then you change your emotions, change your emotions and you change your decisions, change your decisions and you change your actions, change your actions and you change your habits, change your habits and you change your character, change your character then you change your life.”

I am interested in your ethics policy and your thoughts on ethics in general. Sharing information is powerful!

~Paula

Give Thanks

As we enter the traditional season of Thanksgiving, I thought it befitting to reflect on the importance of giving thanks in times of change. This year has indeed brought a great deal of change. We have seen unemployment rates and mortgage foreclosures at an all time high, bail outs, cash for clunkers, health care debates, previously strong corporations dwindled down to an unrecognizable size, weather disasters and yes, there is a war that rages on, changing the lives of families here and abroad forever. Some of these events have left many wondering “what do we have to be thankful for?” I thought I would take time to answer that question.

Be thankful because we are here! Yes, imperfect circumstances in an imperfect world, but we are here. Everyday that we are here we have an opportunity to make a difference not just for ourselves but for someone else. We have a chance to set our lives ablaze in such a way, that it will light the way for others who need it.

Material possessions and life’s conveniences are great but they do not reflect the real meaning of life. If what you have never blesses anyone but you, then it is wasted! We have the ability to move beyond our circumstances despite what we have lived through. What we have lived through, should be the story that touches, inspires and changes the lives of those we come in contact with.

Be thankful for the family you have, some people do not have that.

Be thankful for the people that walked away from you when you needed it least, because they have just made a way for someone new.

If you have hurt someone, be thankful that you can still apologize to them and forgive yourself.

Be thankful that you can look deep inside of you and change for the better.

Be thankful for the experiences that define the unique person you are and be thankful that there is someone who is prepare to embrace all your uniqueness.

When life seems to deliver unfair blows, be thankful that you have a reason to hold on, even when it doesn’t look like it.

Be thankful that you have the God-given ability to exercise faith when no one else seems to believe in you.

When you have tried to hold on to something or someone that was trying so desperately to get away from you, be thankful for the ability to let go and then do it!

Be thankful that you have one more chance to reach out to those who love and appreciate you for you.

Be thankful that you can take a risk with something that you have always wanted to do or a place you have always wanted to go.

Be thankful that you have the power to overcome every fear that keeps you stuck!

Be thankful for the new path, new career, new relationships and new awareness.

Be thankful that you can go where you have never gone before.

Be thankful that your best times are ahead of you and you can orchestrate it however you so desire.

You are the Conductor, coordinating all the melodic pieces together for the song in life that is written just for you.

Forever Thankful
~Paula

I’m Sorry?

These two words are often uttered in an effort to quickly resolve an uncomfortable situation. In recent months, I have heard these two words a great deal. You see, I sought the expertise of several service providers for multiple projects from landscaping to graphic design to renovation. While each industry is distinctly different, I noticed these providers had a few things in common. They all were noted as experts in their field, each of them provided great service to other clients and each of them had to say ….. you guessed it… “I’m sorry.”

I began to think about the definition of the words we all have heard so many times before, Service Excellence, Quality Service, Top Notch Customer Service and so on. As the Chief Executive Officer of an international firm, excellent service is what I, along with many of my colleagues, strive for daily. I realize writing about Excellent Service Delivery may place our firm in an uncomfortable position; after all, this sort of commentary places a higher expectation on J. PR & Associates. Nevertheless, it is worth visiting in hopes that we all can learn something.
I sincerely believe I’m sorry is always in order when our customers and clients have not received what we have promised to deliver. However, in many situations these two words may not be enough. Imagine this:

A Certified Public Accountant decided to branch out on her own and has been preparing for the busy season. She has contracted with several providers to make sure everything will run smoothly. Her company is preparing for a major marketing and advertising blistz scheduled 5 weeks before the busy season. There is only one problem; the provider responsible for converting her extensive client information log in to an electronic version had a few delays. This log is being developed to assist with billable hours, invoicing, client tagging, and revenue generation. This electronic masterpiece is going to set the tone of her business and be the identifiable difference between her and the competition.

The provider assures the CPA that a few minor adjustments are needed and the electronic log will be ready shortly. Three weeks into the busy season, she receives this much-anticipated masterpiece and an apology. Unfortunately for the CPA, the original manual version of the log was discarded by the provider, when testing the electronic version seemed to produce stellar results. Six weeks into the busy season, every employee has been trained on this new system and as expected, it was indeed a masterpiece.

Needless to say, the service provider delivered the product they promised but the timing was horrible. The CPA lost revenue, lost employees, and professional credibility with the clients she promised to service. Now, the CPA may have been able to address things differently, but she had a realistic expectation that the provider would do what they promised. The CPA cannot get that particular busy season back; nor can she recoup the more significant losses she has experienced. I’m sorry, in this situation, was not enough. I have come to learn that Excellent Service Delivery does not mean errors are never made it does not mean you never have to say I’m Sorry but rather, knowing when I’m Sorry is just not enough!

I am interested in the methods you use to service your customers in an excellent manner, particularly when things do not go as well as expected. I will share some of your examples with everyone who visits our site. We believe information sharing leads to excellence. Let’s help each other.

~Paula