The Courage To Start Over

As spring begins to bud, I can’t help thinking about how so many things are fresh and new. The change of seasons makes room for the opportunity to Start Over. In our professional lives we may be re-evaluating the past quarter of success, departmental budgets or our talent management objectives. Our personal lives are not exempt from this process. Many of us are tweaking our New Year’s resolutions to ensure our goals are met, we are learning how to maximize our time or saying goodbye to the old to make enormous amounts of room for the new.

This new season brings with it the opportunity to Start Over. No matter which area of our lives we decided to take a closer look at, our careers, spiritual commitments or personal goals, many of us are reevaluating our lives for change with the determination to really make “it” happen.

Change usually means committing to a new start. In fact, most new starts require us to develop new methods to make sure we stick to our commitments and goals. Sometimes we brush off the dust of the past, throw our shoulders back and push forward or we make major modifications that support our renewed vigor for success.

Here are the facts: Life can deliver a series of unexpected events, those we like to relish in and some we wish we could forget. Remember this; it is never too late to Start Over. I know it sounds like a cliché but it is the truth.

I recently spoke to couple in their mid-seventies who just found love in each other, after believing that too much time had passed. They had seen love, life and death but, they found a way to Start Over. A friend of mine was recently required to move over 3000 miles away to unfamiliar territory with no family members or friends. He had to find a way to Start Over. Tomas is in the middle of a foreclosure and he and his family are now moving in with relatives. They all are finding a way to Start Over. Sarah began a new career in an area in which she had very limited experience. Her family was struggled financially and she needed to make this new career a success. Her family is counting on her and she is petrified. She found a way to Start Over. Last year, the man I have loved all of my life, my father, passed away. This brought my life to a heart breaking new normal and I had to Start Over.

Unexpected events in life can do one of two things. We can become stuck, gripped by fear and life’s uncertainties or we can eventually take a look at who and what we have left, take a step of faith and Start Over. Most people know they need to start over but what I have found is that many don’t know how. It takes a great deal of courage to start over. Here are some steps to consider as you move through life transitions.

1. Take an honest and open look at the unexpected events of life that have left you asking “What now???” Accept the change you now face, realizing that adjusting and moving forward may take some time. It may not be easy, but you must know, you can do it. Look at what is right with where you are now and what you would like to do differently. Then consider if you have done everything you knew to do at the time, despite the outcome. Commit to doing everything you can to push to the next level. Refuse to get stuck. Commit to taking the learned lessons with you, not just for yourself but also to help someone else. Your life is never only about you and what you have lived through, it is also about others.

2. Take time to listen. I am a firm believer that in your quiet time is when your answers come. The direction you need to take, the next steps to your success, the people that will help you through the next chapter of your life, this is the wisdom you can find by simply being in a quiet place to listen. Often unexpected events can convince you to lie low for far too long. This is when you may find yourself doing things just for the sake of doing them. People tell each other to “do something” just to keep busy but sometimes it is more important to be quiet first, so you don’t waste time and effort doing something that will not help you get to where you want to go. I have learned this from my own personal experiences. “Busy” can be a good thing but ask the question…What am I Busy doing and for what purpose?

I met a woman who was so hurt from her divorce and her husband’s constant refusal to reconcile that she decided to quickly pursue looking for another mate. Well she found him, kind hearted, good looking, successful, and seemingly all the things she wanted and pleaded for out of her pain. She never took the time to relinquish the hurt and rejection nor did she clearly examine what was vital to her wellbeing. As a result, she stayed with this man. It was better than being alone right? She finally had someone, just like all her married friends. Nothing was excruciatingly uncomfortable in her relationship; nothing complicated or alarming was glaring so she stayed with him, knowing all along that something vital was missing. Now, she has to again… Start Over. When you make decisions out of pain, frustration, or fear you typically connect with someone or something not designed for you, rather than what and who is absolutely best for you.

3. Make a checklist of what matters most. This list is not just an inventory of what you desire to accomplish but it should also include the action steps you need to take to achieve the desired result. Your list should include things that take you out of your comfort zone and allow you to grow into someone better than before. Make sure you pace yourself and have realistic expectations and processes. For example, if your desire is to have your own business and become wealthy so you can help others; consider that it may take more than two weeks to arrive at your desired destination. Remember that some things on the checklist may require a series of well executed steps and can take longer to complete. Do not add action items to the list that won’t add any real value to your life. This brings a false sense of accomplishment. When these tasks are completed, you may look back in frustration, discovering your time could have been utilized on what matters most. Take time to think about your life and how you want it to be, and then develop a plan to get there.

4. Expecting of Others – Make sure you have the right people around you when you are going through life’s changes. I recently heard a story about eagles going through the molting process. In this process, eagles, those strong, fearless birds flying high, find themselves in a valley experience. Their claws and beaks calcify making it difficult to hold their head erect, their eyesight is diminished, and they lose many of their feathers. Therefore flying and catching food is a challenge and their appetite is almost nonexistent. While the eagles are going through the molting process, other strong eagles are flying above making screeching noises and dropping down food to the eagles ensnared in the valley experience. As it has been explained to me, the eagle’s screeching noises are chants to encourage the molting eagles. Some say the screeches of support and the dropping of food comes from older eagles who have survived the molting stages. The eagles who survive the molting process are renewed. They grow new feathers as well as refined beaks. After the molting process, these transformed birds are ready to live life on top again.

I don’t claim to be an authority on these majestic birds but this speaks volumes. It is important to know who is with you when you are going through the most challenging of times. I am of the mindset that if a “friend” cannot be with you though the darkest of times, we probably cannot walk together in light. It is important to have people appropriately placed in your life. Don’t expect friendship activity and support from acquaintances. Identify where people are in your life. Don’t confuse friendship with anything other than friendship. You will need to know the difference for your journey of change.

5. Is that all you are??? I heard a great leader ask this question. “Your experience…..is that all you are?” he asked. That one thing you did that changed your life, is that the sum total of who you are? The thing that knocked the wind out of you – is that ALL you are? Your situation is what you have lived through but it is not who you are. Life’s events may help form you but they don’t define you unless you let them. You have the unique power to define yourself in a way that no one else can. You don’t have to be anyone else but who you were created to be. The powerful, purposeful person you are is greater than any challenge you could ever face. The power that dwells on the inside of you can conquer anything that comes your way and this power gives you the courage to Start Over.